Waiting
by moments-of-weakness
Summary: This is a Roomies fic that takes place after Strange Bedfellows but before the finale last season. Will Ray be able to survive living without his roomie or will he convince her to return?


_Author's notes: I own no part of ER or the characters. I own no part of the song Against all Odds. I simply meshed the two together and wrote a little story since I can't make videos! This takes place just after Neela moves out and before the finale takes place. I started writing it at the end of last season and I just wasn't happy with it until now! Thanks for reading and I hope yall enjoy! _

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_**How can I just let you walk away? Just let you leave without a trace. When I stand here taking every breath with you. You're the only one who really knew me at all.** _

He felt as though his heart was shattering into a billion pieces as he watched the cab take her away from him. Ray Barnett simply stood there like a helpless child, holding his shirt in his trembling hands as though it were his favorite toy, tears in his eyes, knowing he must have lost his mind as he looked toward the sky and silently prayed she would come back home. He needed her. _How could he survive without his roomie?_

_**How can you just walk away from me, when all I can do is watch you leave? Cause we shared the laughter and the pain, we even shared the tears. You're the only one who really knew me at all.** _

Ray began walking down the street, knowing he probably left the apartment door wide open in his haste to catch her, but he didn't care. When he ran out of the apartment after Neela, the door was the furthest thing from his mind. Part of him still wanted to run after her even though he knew he couldn't catch the cab. And what if he had caught the cab and she stopped? Neela would simply walk away again without saying a word knowing she's a married woman. What was there to say? Sure, they had fun together but what did it matter in the grand scheme of things? She had Michael and now Ray was walking off his pain…the stupid t-shirt still in his hands as he was desperately missing his best friend.

_**So take a look at me now. Well there's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face. Well, take a look at me now, cause there's just an empty space. And you comin back to me is against the odds and that's what I've got to face.** _

Ray eventually found his way back to the apartment realizing he did in fact close the door trying to catch her, now slamming it shut as he entered the cold empty apartment. "Wine or beer" he said aloud while painfully realizing he'd asked her that exact question the night he surprised her with the stir-fry. Tonight he would drink beer, wine, _and_ tequila if he had to. Anything to make him forget Neela and any hopes he could have had of her ever returning.

Ray woke the next morning to complete silence and a throbbing headache. He thanked the tequila gods for masking the pain in his heart the night before as he made his way to the aspirin he so desperately needed.

"How am I supposed to save lives today and why the hell do I care?" He knew the answer before he finished asking himself the question. Ray cared because of Neela. Neela was the one that forced him to take a look at his life, at his attitude and realize medicine was more than a day job where you were off as soon as your shift was over. Somewhere along the way it became his life and he sighed as he realized medicine was all he had left in the world.

_I wish I could just make you turn around. Turn around and see me cry. There's so much I've got to say to you…so many reasons why. You're the only one who really knew me at all. _

_His best friend._ Ray couldn't get her out of his mind. He arrived at work the next day and the only thing on his mind was how much he missed his best friend. It was the same the next three excruciating days. Ray and Neela would be in a trauma together and wouldn't speak. She wouldn't even look at him most of the time and would simply give her surgical assessment and leave as quickly as she could. It had been four days since she moved out and he couldn't handle her cold shoulder any longer. His heart was broken and he knew that didn't matter…that it _shouldn't_ matter. Ray realized she too was hurting in her own way or things between them never would have changed. They would return to the friendship they once had, the best friend he'd grown to care about so deeply. He wanted to say something…he _needed_ to say something or it would end up driving him mad. He spotted her waiting for the elevator and decided it was his chance. Ray walked up behind her, took a deep breath and softly spoke her name.

"Neela."

"Hi Ray. Busy down here today isn't it? Dubanko needs to speak with me so I've got to run." The doors opened and she was inside the elevator before he realized she wasn't beside him. "We'll talk later okay?"

"Yeah, sure" he said as the doors shut between them signifying how immense the wall between them truly was. Ray knew her question was more of a statement and he also knew she wasn't going to waste any of her time at work talking with him or hanging out together anymore. Those days were long gone and he sighed, realizing his heart continued breaking even after he assumed he couldn't possibly feel any more pain.

_So take a look at me now. Well there's just an empty space. And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face. Well take a look at me now cause there's just an empty space. But to wait for you is all I can do, and that's what I've got to face. Take a good look at me now cause I'll still be standing here. _

"No." One simple word spoken aloud by Ray Barnett and yet it seemed as though the weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. Hitting him like a ton of bricks he knows he has to see her. Not wanting to wait for the elevator he headed for the stairs hoping no one heard him talking to himself. Ray needed to see her face to face as soon as possible. He wasn't sure what he would do or what he could possibly say but Ray knew he had to try to fix whatever he had broken.

When he reached the surgical floor, he stopped. What could he say? What words would possibly escape his mouth that could change anything at all? She's married and there are no words to undo something like that. Ray watched as she spoke to a nurse and his heart ached for the friendship they'd shared. Even if he was in fact falling for her, something he'd never really let happen before with anyone, he knew he could never tell her. None of the words flying through his mind at that moment seemed to fit. There was simply nothing he could say.

He waited in that spot until she finished discussing whatever it was with the nurse and simply watched her. Standing there, helpless and lonely, searching for something to say, he lightly sighed as Neela turned toward him and smiled. _A real smile._ Neela smiled that gorgeous smile of hers that seems to light up her entire face. She gave him that beautiful smile making him realize he wasn't _falling_ for her, for he'd already fallen and there was nothing else to do but stand there staring and grinning like a teenager while hoping someday she'll see him for the man he is, the man he wants to be…hoping that she'll see him standing there waiting for her with his heart open wide.

_And you coming back to me is against all odds, it's the chance I've got to take. Take a look at me now… _


End file.
